Habibi, Allah yahfadzak..

One thing I picked up from some really great women I met in Kuwait was how whenever they’d address their kids affectionately, they’d make dua at the same time – for example, “Habibi, Allah yahfadh’ak” or “Galbi, Allah ya3teech al3afiyah.”
(Translation: My love, may Allah preserve you; my heart, may Allah give you health/security from illness & grief.)

And when praising them, whether for worldly achievements or otherwise, always following up with du’a – may Allah increase you in good etc.
It’s a really great way to remind ourselves as parents that Allah is the One Who can make our kids better; & taking advantage of a parent’s accepted du’a as well. It’s far better than fawning over our kids with hollow words that may or may not be true.

The same of course applies to when we as parents are frustrated as well – never once did I hear these women, even if they were upset or disappointed by something their children said or did, become angry and start making it all about how their children were failures or doomed or somesuch.
Rather, they would always make du’a for them: “Allah yesleh7aalhum” – may Allah correct their affairs, and even acknowledge that perhaps they were emotionally blind to something which was in fact a source of khayr.

Although those women were not shaykhas or aalimahs, although they did not teach parenting courses or lifecoaching workshops, they taught me in our various interactions what it meant to be a genuinely outstanding parent: understanding that all power is with Allah, and utilizing the gift of du’a in the most effective and consistent manner possible.
Though they obviously experienced many emotions with regards to their children, they had the presence of mind to step away and understand that their view of the matter was not the only one or even the right one; they always turned back to Allah and prayed that whatever their child’s Qadr was, it was one of good and guidance.

As parents, we should consider every moment of pleasure or frustration with our children as moments of du’a for them. Make it a habit to let them hear you make du’a for their good character, their health, their success in this world and the Hereafter. Let them associate you mentioning their names, with calling upon Allah and relying upon Him alone, seeking only goodness for them.

Rabbana hab lana min azwaajinaa wa thurriyyaatinaa qurrata a’yun, waj3alnaa lil muttaqina imaama.

{Our Lord, grant us from among our spouses and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.}

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